Monday 5 November 2012

Children of Israel

Mr Goldblatt, a young bible scholar, asked his mentor, Joey and the conversation went as follows:
Goldblatt: There's something I can't figure out in the Old Testament
Joe: What's that Mr Goldblatt? 
Goldblatt: according to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?
Joe: Right 
Goldblatt: and the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?
Joe: Er—right
Goldblatt: and the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?
Joe: Again you're right
Goldblatt: and the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians, Romans and won?
Goldblatt: and the Children of Israel always doing something important and big?
Joe: All that is right Mr Goldblatt, so what's your question?
Goldblatt: if all these were done by the children of Israel, what was all the Grown-ups doing?

“Laughter has been proven to lower your blood pressure, enhance your sleep patterns, reduce your pain threshold, strengthen your immune system, combat stress, anxiety, and frustration, and bond people together as nothing else can. It has been scientifically proven that themost healing type of laughter is laughter associated with clean, wholesome humor.” (c) Wild Bill


In His Service

//Tim J Kyara
Teacher of the Word www.light2mypath.blogspot.com
Financial Freedom Fighter www.timkyara.blogspot.com
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Thursday 4 October 2012

2 Drunks and 2 Nutters

2 Drunks:
Two drunks were hungry and soon they spotted a mango tree with one mango that looked like ripe for eating. They gathered stones and started throwing at the mango to get it down, after several attempts, one said, perhaps I should climb to see if it is ripe for when fruits are not ripe, the bond is strong (i.e. not easily plucked). So he climbed to the spot and touched the mango on several sides then climbed down and reported to his friend, “yap, it is ripe, let’s keep trying”

2 Nutters:
Two mad men plan to run away from the mental hospital, they agreed that they will go to the gate; beat up the watchman then open the gate and run away.....When they reached the gate , the watchman wasn't there and the gate was wide open....they say "Shit our plan has failed,lets go back will try again tomorrow"

“Laughter has been proven to lower your blood pressure, enhance your sleep patterns, reduce your pain threshold, strengthen your immune system, combat stress, anxiety, and frustration, and bond people together as nothing else can. It has been scientifically proven that themost healing type of laughter is laughter associated with clean, wholesome humor.” (c) Wild Bill
In His Service

//Tim J Kyara
Teacher of the Word www.light2mypath.blogspot.com
Financial Freedom Fighter www.timkyara.blogspot.com
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Thursday 21 June 2012

Letter of Resignation*

*John & Stibbe (2003)

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult with effect from now. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 5-year old instead. I want to go to McDonald’s and think it is a 4 star restaurant; I would like to think M&M are better than money because you can eat them.

I would like to believe that the world is fair and that everyone is honest and good. I would like to believe that everything is possible and I would very much like to remain oblivious to the complexities of life. So please accept my resignation—and I hereby enclose my car keys, credit cards, cheque books and bills.



In His Service

//Tim J Kyara
Teacher of the Word www.light2mypath.blogspot.com
Financial Freedom Fighter www.timkyara.blogspot.com
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Tuesday 12 June 2012

Stinky In-laws!

A couple drove down a country road silently as earlier discussion had led to a fierce argument as none of them wanted to concede their position. Finally after miles of wonder land, they come to a remote village where they passed a barnyard of stinky mules and pigs.

The husband, wanting to sarcastically break the tension and silence asked his wife pointing to the mules and pigs, “Relative of yours hun?”, “Yep” she replied, “my in-laws”

“Laughter has been proven to lower your blood pressure, enhance your sleep patterns, reduce your pain threshold, strengthen your immune system, combat stress, anxiety, and frustration, and bond people together as nothing else can. It has been scientifically proven that themost healing type of laughter is laughter associated with clean, wholesome humor.” (c) Wild Bill


In His Service

//Tim J Kyara
Teacher of the Word www.light2mypath.blogspot.com
Financial Freedom Fighter www.timkyara.blogspot.com

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Miss Grace, Joy and Mercy

A pastor married jealous woman, who oft thought he was having an affair. 

One day the woman was in the kitchen cooking when she overheard him praying in the living room, “Thank you Lord for bringing mercy, joy and grace into my life” 

She ran quickly with a frying pan, whacked him on the head and said, “I knew you were a player and a fake pastor! You’ve just prayed for all your girlfriends, you think I didn’t hear you! Who the hell are Mercy, Joy and Grace???”


MORAL OF THE STORY: when you advance spiritually, emotionally and morally, take your wife with you.



“Laughter has been proven to lower your blood pressure, enhance your sleep patterns, reduce your pain threshold, strengthen your immune system, combat stress, anxiety, and frustration, and bond people together as nothing else can. It has been scientifically proven that themost healing type of laughter is laughter associated with clean, wholesome humor.” (c) Wild Bill


In His Service

//Tim J Kyara
Teacher of the Word www.light2mypath.blogspot.com
Financial Freedom Fighter www.timkyara.blogspot.com
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Monday 21 May 2012

TOP 10 ways to get a wife-Lesson from the Bible!

10: Gate crush ladies party & grab best dancer—Ben’s sons (Judges 21)
09: Pick one then tell your parents to her for you—Samson (Judges 14)
08: Prepare a beauty contest and pick a winner—Xerxes (Easter 2)
07: Buy a piece of real estate, get her as part of the deal—Boaz (Ruth 4)
06: Agree to work for 14yrs in exchange for two wives—Jacob (Gen 29)
05: Wait for your brother to die then take his wife—Boaz (Ruth 4)
04: Circumcise ur enemies trade their foreskin for her—David (1 Sam 18)
03: Find a prostitute and marry her—Hosea (Hosea 1)
02: Marry your sister—Cain (Gen 4)
01: Kill a husband and take his wife—David (2 Sam 14)
 
Of course if all fails you can always fall into comma and let God create one for you—but beware,
it will cost you a rib—Adam (Gen 2)

“Laughter has been proven to lower your blood pressure, enhance your sleep patterns, reduce your pain threshold, strengthen your immune system, combat stress, anxiety, and frustration, and bond people together as nothing else can. It has been scientifically proven that themost healing type of laughter is laughter associated with clean, wholesome humor.” (c) Wild Bill


In His Service

//Tim J Kyara
Teacher of the Word www.light2mypath.blogspot.com
Financial Freedom Fighter www.timkyara.blogspot.com

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Wednesday 25 April 2012

Creation 1 Evolution 0

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made." 

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." 

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?" 

The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.".

“Laughter has been proven to lower your blood pressure, enhance your sleep patterns, reduce your pain threshold, strengthen your immune system, combat stress, anxiety, and frustration, and bond people together as nothing else can. It has been scientifically proven that themost healing type of laughter is laughter associated with clean, wholesome humor.” (c) Wild Bill

In His Service

//Tim J Kyara
Teacher of the Word www.light2mypath.blogspot.com
Financial Freedom Fighter www.timkyara.blogspot.com

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Saturday 31 March 2012

Pulpit Copyright Infringement

After a wonderful sermon on Sunday morning, a young man approached the minister and told him that he’s got the book with every word he had preached that morning. The minister instantly went defensive and said I assure you young man my sermons are original and manna fresh from heaven, but the young man was adamant.
 
Finally the minister tired of defending himself told the young man to send the book to him. The next day the minister received a package from the young man, upon unwrapping it he was surprised that the young man was right—inside the wrapper was the book—a dictionary.

“Laughter has been proven to lower your blood pressure, enhance your sleep patterns, reduce your pain threshold, strengthen your immune system, combat stress, anxiety, and frustration, and bond people together as nothing else can. It has been scientifically proven that themost healing type of laughter is laughter associated with clean, wholesome humor.” (c) Wild Bill


In His Service

//Tim J Kyara
Teacher of the Word www.light2mypath.blogspot.com
Financial Freedom Fighter www.timkyara.blogspot.com

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Wednesday 29 February 2012

Visiting the Elderly


A minister visits an elderly woman from his congregation. As he sits on the couch he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table next to her. “mind if I have a few?” he asked, “no, not at all” the woman replied. They talk for an hour and as the minister stand to leave, he realises that he has emptied the bowl.
 
 “I am terribly sorry for eating all your peanuts, I really only meant to eat a few” apologised the minister, to which the woman replied, “Oh that’s all right, ever since I lost my teeth all I can do is suck the chocolate off them”


“Laughter has been proven to lower your blood pressure, enhance your sleep patterns, reduce your pain threshold, strengthen your immune system, combat stress, anxiety, and frustration, and bond people together as nothing else can. It has been scientifically proven that themost healing type of laughter is laughter associated with clean, wholesome humor.” (c) Wild Bill


In His Service

//Tim J Kyara
Teacher of the Word www.light2mypath.blogspot.com
Financial Freedom Fighter www.timkyara.blogspot.com

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Thursday 23 February 2012

Ministers' Weakness!

Three ministers went fishing on a week end break; on their last day one minister proposed that they make a pact to pray for each other for their 'weaknesses' to which end they agreed to share their deepest secret weaknesses. The first minister said, “my weakness is the love of money, I have squandered over half a million of church’s building fund to date”

The second minister said, “my weakness is women, I have slept with virtually all women in church, I can’t help it please help me”. The third minister, whilst taking his mobile phone out and dialling said “my weakness is gossip…Oh men I can’t wait to talk to my wife” This he said as he began talking to his wife!

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“Laughter has been proven to lower your blood pressure, enhance your sleep patterns, reduce your pain threshold, strengthen your immune system, combat stress, anxiety, and frustration, and bond people together as nothing else can. It has been scientifically proven that themost healing type of laughter is laughter associated with clean, wholesome humor.” (c) Wild Bill


In His Service

//Tim J Kyara
Teacher of the Word www.light2mypath.blogspot.com
Financial Freedom Fighter www.timkyara.blogspot.com

¬¬¬00¬¬00¬¬¬ 

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